You are my lamp, O Lord; the Lord turns my darkness into light. With your help I can advance against a troop; with my God I can scale a wall.
—2 Samuel 22:29–30
Just when I think I think that I have life in a place that I can handle, and my walk with God something that I thing I have the hang of, I trip, stumble and fall.
And it hurts.
Just when I get the notion that I have faith and peace and joy and God, within me on a pretty unshakable basis, I find that that notion can be as fallible as one making a couple of good shots in golf, and believing they are a great golfer.
Yesterday, I bogeyed.
Life issues swirled and the shadows of darkness and, of course, me not being in control or able to let go, crept over me like kudzu.
It was a collision of heartache, frustration, sadness and uncertainty. You know those human situations with someone you love? Ever have them? Honk if you know what I am talking about.
As it was happening, I tried to to let God come and speak for me because I was at the point where words, talking and listening, didn’t resolve anything.
I was left feeling alone. Even with God. My earthly, human flailing self, felt alone and thoughts of solution and resolution were no where to be found.
So, I got very, very quiet, and wondered if I was up to this challenge, a challenge that plays out somewhat regularly in my life.
Oh, I forgot to mention that I am at Dunkin. Last day before heading home.
The feelings weren’t good. I had God in my heart, but He was jockeying for space with angst, a feeling of failure and a sense of despair with this situation.
Trials. God says that we will get up every morning in HIs light, but we will face challenges, (a better word than problems). We will have to choose the roads our body, mind and mouth take throughout the day.
Let’s just say that my day was as bumpy as Deer Park’s roads.
By day’s end, I looked as though I was a deer in a Kleig light.