There’s Got To Be A Morning After
I really wanted Shirley Winters to drown in that movie, “The Poseidon Adventure.”
I am a pretty peaceful person, but there are some characters in movies and TV shows, that I just want to die.
There, I said it.
If I have to explain that I don’t really want that person dead, but the character dead, it is time to get off of the train.
I just like the title of that song. It is in effect at the moment. There’s got to be a morning after.
And there is.
Even as of yesterday, I thought, okay, garden time is over. I just looked at it with rather dead eyes and said, eh, where is the joy? Is it done for the season?
And then, when the bottom appeared to fall out of my life, I felt numb about the garden. Things were dying from heat and exhaustion.
And that is how I felt. I was in recovery mode for my back, and then, voila, the 48 hours portion of the program.
It rained last night. Only a quarter inch, but that brought things back to August life. I think plants like August about as much as I do.
Now, here is the deal.
I can either look at the 48 hours episode as another reason to dislike August. Look at it as poor us, look what we, (Nick) had to go through, or, I can say, aren’t we the lucky ones?
Nick still doesn’t feel “well”, but he is so much better. He jus drove The Boy, to school. He wanted to.
Oh, before I forget, thank you all for your wonderful prayers and stories in your comments. I read them all. I still don’t feel as thought I can answer each one, as it takes me back to a weird place that I am still trying to stabilize.
And oh,listen to this , two neighbors brought over dinner last night. I didn’t know that both were making dinner until it was probably too late to say no. But what fun it was to have two meals, and the thoughts that our friends wanted to help. Yummy.
But back to where I was trying to move forward.
The way I see it is, yes, we have lots of zigzags to deal with through this. Life doesn’t stop with other situations, but the key is, Nick is alive. He was carted home from the hospital, way better shape than he was bounced in. (He said the EMT ride was really bouncy)
As I sat in that hospital room, it didn’t escape me that people don’t always leave a hospital sitting up in a Subaru. Instead of coming to our house for barbecue, and thanksgiving, many families are sitting at tables or on sofas or in cars, making funeral arrangements.
So although August has its issues, this episode is not going to make it a land mark month.
Here is the question. What is the new next to normal? Doesn’t something most likely shift after something like this? Or do things go back to the way they were, and if that is the case, doesn’t that mean we didn’t learn form them.
I believe we must take something from every situation. It could be something positive, or it could be something that you have learned to deal with another situation in the future. The fact that we get through them, with our nerves a bundle and faith tested, must be seen as growth. It can be a growth of the spirit, faith, confidence, and learning how to do some mourning while we are alive.
We do mourn when we are alive, don’t we? Don’t many of us put ourselves in thoughts of how am I going to feel if a loved one dies? Haven’t you played that out?
I have. I think it is because I have this notion, that if I have it happen in my mind, it is practice, so I won’t be so stunned if and when it happens.
Really, doing so, for me, just causes moments of agony and grief. Is it that I am mourning the thought of loss?
You know, practicing?
It really is folly if you think about it. Nothing is going to prepare me, really prepare me for the death of a loved one.
We/I, have talked about being strong, rising to the occasion and acting brave. But I think loss of someone you love, will bring me to my knees, and there is nothing wrong with that.
As long as I learn how to get up.
I am back on my porch this morning. I didn’t come out here right away. I sort of made myself do it. I don’t want the summer season, my summer of gardening, to end on a kaboom. I wanted to face it.
I wanted to walk in the garden and look at the flowers and plants, bot living a dead and all stages in between, and know that we are all part of that plan.
Yesterday afternoon, I marveled at my two lemon plants that I am growing from seed. Each is about an inch and a half high. Fragile. They are learning how to live. I cut some other stems from plants and brought them into the house to see if I could make them grow. Seeing life start again, and again, and again, is important to me right now.
I suppose our time will come when our time comes. It most likely will come in a way that we might not have expected.
As I listen to a bird squawking loudly, I suspect he is saying, just go out and live you old buzzard. Flap you flabby wings and fly, Don’t get too close to the sun, but try to fly like you are on an eagle’s wings.